December 4, 2016

That Night We Starred In Tex Mex-Machina, Or Donna The Evil Robot Waitress




Ah yes, I have been extremely absent in the blogging world. Alas, we are in the process of making the move to Boston and it has been a wee bit stressful and dramatic. Of course, a life changing event with me has to involve some soap-operatic type drama.

I know, I KNOW. But for real though, I am the drama QUEEN.


But truly, I digress.

Since it is my last few weeks in my home state, I have been craving local eateries. Yeah, so, actually I have been craving tex-mex food. I want to eat it all day, everyday. At this rate, I am going to give birth to a fajita named Chimichanga who calls me salsa in the morning, baby. Not really sure what the problem is, but I cannot stop and will not stop eating chips and salsa.

But, BUT, is that really a problem?


Thus, Military Husband and I decided to eat tex-mex at our favorite restaurant Saturday night. My glorious basket of chips and 9 oz. bottles of salsa arrived at the table and all was right with my lower intestines (#fornow). 

And then, we met Donna The Evil Robot Waitress.


Have I ever told you my theory that evil robots are going kill us all? That the human species will one day be eliminated by crazed AI's? Yeah, well, I have been obsessed with this idea since Ex Machina and continue on with the notion with HBO's Westworld

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress is just one AI with a dreams way of fucking with me.

When we first encountered Donna The Evil Robot Waitress, she met us like so:


And this conversation occurred:

Military Husband: I would like a Corona and a water with lemon.

Me: I will have the same!

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress: I need ID's. *looks at Military Husband's ID* Is this HIM????

Me: Last I checked, that is, in fact, my husband.

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress: Huh!

Military Husband: Could we also have more salsa?

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress: NO. That's the only salsa in the restaurant you're getting.

Me:

My Ratchet 8 Ball predicts "Outlook Not So Good."

She took our drink order and returned with them. 8 minutes later. Once she asked what we had chosen for dinner, this conversation occurred:

Military Husband: Is there anyway we could have more chips and salsa?

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress: Uh......YEAH. *storms off*

Military Husband: Wow. Well she is not getting a tip.

Editor's Note: I am about 90% certain she overheard this comment. What she fails to realize is: 1) Military Husband was only kidding 2) We are extremely generous tippers and 3) Military Husband is from New Jersey. He doesn't play. He especially DOES NOT play when it comes to his food.

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress returned with our food eventually and then, NEVER, NEVER, EVER came to our table again. Now look friends, I was almost done with my Corona. I really required another Corona to finish my meal. Mili Wifey, like a baby with her bottle, needed her liquor teet.

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress going into sleep mode was starting to piss Mili Wifey the fucketh off.

Mili Wifey detoxing is not something anyone needs to see. Donna The Evil Robot Waitress is putting Military Husband in grave danger.

Hell hath no fury like a sober Mili Wifey.

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress continued to pass our table, not make eye contact and in general, pretend like our table had cooties and she was not about that germ life. 15-20 minutes passed, my food was cold, I was thinking of drinking my pocket hand lotion (2% alcohol is something, right?) and I felt the rage of defeat. It was nearly 30 minutes before we received a check thrown on our table, with not a word spoken to us, and another 10 minutes to pick up said check. She never offered us any dessert, a to-go box or EVEN the complimentary sopapillas.

This is robot fuckery of the highest order. And that settles it:

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress is a machination built by Skynet on a mission to destroy the world's tex-mex food cravings. And she is winning. 

Oh, is she winning.


Finally, I know how Sarah Connor felt and knew exactly why she was so pissed off all the time. They tried to take her son, her life, her love, her freedom and more than likely, her favorite enchiladas. 

Donna The Evil Robot Waitress must be stopped.

This is Phase One of Robot Wars, people. I do not even want to see Phase Two.

When in doubt, Whedon Robot it out.

Le Sigh.

On a happier note, we have a new place to live in Boston and will be heading to our new home soon. Let the adventure begin! I look forward to blogging our experiences and I apologize for being absent in the blogging world.

Have you ever been served by a bad waitress at a restaurant? Let me know your experiences in the comments below!

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto because I am,

46 comments:

  1. I've have plenty of bad service experiences in restaurants over the years. I usually fire off a tweet or email resulting in some sort of freebie the next time we visit.

    I'm looking forward to the AI takeover, I'm hoping to have my brain downloaded into an android body.

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    1. Oh we do that too!! It just makes you so mad. No one likes to have their food messed with.

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  2. My husband LIED to me when we were dating. He didn't tell me he isn't a big fan of Mexican food. That might have been a deal breaker!!! He even took me to Mexican restaurants repeatedly while we were dating. Now...about twice a year? I'm dying!!!

    I've had a ton of bad restaurant experiences in my life but the first one to come to mind was at IHOP about a year ago. The hostess seated us in a section and walked off. We sat there for a while and were ignored. A server saw us sitting there and asked if we'd been helped. We said no and she took our drink order. The server who was SUPPOSED to be waiting on us got pissy that she'd "taken her customers" and chewed her out. So the nice server came to tell us she'd been yelled at but our actual server would be right with us. The angry server took our order but mostly ignored us besides that...until it came time to bring the check. I thought about telling a manager, but we were short on time...so we did what most people do. We left and never went back to that restaurant again.

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    1. Omg lol! Men are so sneaky!! Hahaha.
      IHOP is hit or miss with wait staff. I love their food though!

      Delete
  3. I am a magnet for bad waitresses. I had one at Chili's spill my salad all over me. I mean the whole thing. On my lap. I just looked at my friend and said, "When I said lunch was on me, this isn't what I was thinking." MESS! And did she comp us? No.
    KZK

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    1. I once had a waitress spill a pitcher of tea on me!!

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  4. Oh boy....I would have most likely embarrassed my husband by totally "going Jersey" on her, you know in a very nice, southern way ;-). One of the perks of growing up in NJ and living in the South for an extended period of time, is you learn how to refine the whole Jersey attitude into a very passive aggressive kind of thing...

    Looking forward to hearing all about your move!!

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    1. Lol! I'm sure he was tempted. He can get pissed!!

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  5. Yikes! I do not understand why people like that get to keep their jobs. There are plenty of pleasant, hard-working folks who would be happy to have that job.

    I've had bad service before, of course. Some pretty memorable ones too. I'll have to write about it!

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    1. Ohhh yes!!!
      I don't either...but I've come to realize a lot of people don't want to work. They just want money to be bestowed upon them. It's maddening how entitled the world has become!

      Delete
  6. Bahahhaha- i totally would have tipped the table and lost my mind. I love Corona. Hope the move goes well!!!!

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  7. I'd get the manager in that situation. Most of our waiters and waitresses are nice. But then again a tip-based industry does make people "nicer".

    We had one that was ....meh. I don't think we saw her again afterwards.

    I actually don't like having one. I can get my own drink. I really hate buffets with waiters. The drink is the only thing that's done for you while you eat. You get everything else on your own.

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  8. BOL! Momma says da most annoying one she ran into recently wuz at Joe's Crab Shack - he kept pestering her every 5 minutes if she wanted dessert while she wuz in da middle of eating! And she wuz eating crab, which takes a while, so he kept coming over - she felt like she wuz gettin da bum's rush.

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    1. Omg that annoys me so much!!! I've had that happen before.

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  9. Oh no! That blows that you had a horrible experience at your fav resto. Argh, seriously that waitress needs to be checked in the head, or have her programming rewired. Sheesh! On another note, don't fret! Boston has good restos!! ;)

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  10. Wow!!!! What a wretched person, this is why I hate people.

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  11. We will not tolerate poor service and NEVER jack with my chips and salsa. Luckily, we have been going to the same restaurant for 34 years so they know better. ☺ Good luck with the move. How can I get your blog sent to my email?? I have searched to no avail.

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    1. I don't have one of those savvy follow by email links!! But I'm on bloglovin!!

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  12. Who doesn't bring more chips and salsa? What a hoe. I would have complained to the manager for sure.

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  13. OMD, you had Ma ROTFLMAO!! Ma doesn't like confrontations, butts if ANYBODY messes with her chips and salsa OR her margaritas...she goes all Chucky on their ass! I can't believes you guys didn't say something to the manager...then again, you just never know what they could do to your drinks or food....she sounds like the type! I hope you guys have an easy move, and take lots of pics of the gurls and keep safe!
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

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    1. I know!! People will spit in your food!! Yuck

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  14. Bad service sucks. Luckily, it rarely happens around here or at least for us. Woo hoo!

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  15. What in the world?! This is bad service taken a totally new level! I would hope that she was just going through a horrible personal day, or otherwise she needs to find a new job asap. Bizarre! So crazy that you're about to get settled in Boston, ya lucky duck! Can't wait to hear about it and see pics! Such a pool PCS for military folks!

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  16. Ok, seriously that sounds like the worst experience at a Mexican restaurant EVER! The #1 rule of all Tex-Mex restaurants is bottomless chips and salsa, so that definitely proves that she is a robot or doesn't know what the hell she's doing. I hope that you talked to a manager about her, because that's just ridiculous and a terrible experience! BTW, I'm also a self proclaimed chips and salsa addict, and I totally judge Mexican restaurants on their chips and salsa and whether or not they bring it to me fast enough!

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    1. Right?? There is concrete evidence of robot fuckery. We need Arnold and Sarah Connor, stat.

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  17. Oh yikes! I cannot stand bad service. It has happened to us a few times. I always try to stay polite, but I have my limits. As in, if you have an attitude and let my Diet Coke sit empty for 15+ minutes, I tend to get pissy.

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  18. I never understand bad service like that - why be so rude? So glad you've found a new home in Boston - can't wait to read about your adventures!

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  19. When we lived in Illinois, we went to this restaurant called Hackney's a long time ago. The service was so slow and the waitress had an attitude problem. The last straw was when my husband flagged her down so he could give her his money and she grabbed it in such a rude and impatient way.
    I used to work in restaurants doing various roles. Being a server is hard, but it's all about customer service. I've had people not tip for really stupid reasons that were beyond my control. I always try to tip something unless the server is actually the one with the problem.

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  20. I don't think waitresses get paid nearly enough for what they do. BUT it is their job to wait on their customers. How can they expect to receive a decent tip for a shitty job?!
    Best of luck with your move.

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  21. Amazing post!
    Have a nice week-end!
    Gil Zetbase
    http://gilzetbase.com/

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  22. wow great post, love it
    http://carrieslifestyle.com

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  23. I have had too many encounters like that and if I am with one of my friends they regret the day they ever gave us bad service. LOL She lets them have it ;) After we have eaten of course cause I don't want no foreign objects in my food!

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    1. Omg the South is like the land of shitty service!! Wtf...we can do better!!

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