July 19, 2016

The Realest Post I Have Ever Written



Military Husband is in Boston this week for work. If you want to know what I normally do when Military Husband is out of town, you can read this post:


My friends, I have done none of those things this week. Our little pug BabyBelle has been extremely sad and anxious for two reasons:

1) BabyBelle sleeps with her Daddy at night. Since we brought her home, she has gone under the covers and slept by her Daddy's legs. It seems to bring her great comfort.

and

2) Because BabyBelle is a rescue, she still has abandonment issues and insecurities. As most of you know, we moved at the first of the summer. A new environment and a MIA Daddy is terribly overwhelming for her. I honestly was not expecting this at all because #MaddiethePug is so fearless. However, she has been with Military Husband since she was a baby, endured a deployment and multiple military moves.

BabyBelle was welcomed into our hearts in May 2014.


BabyBelle is SUCH a sweet little pug.

Which is why this story is so sad. And incredibly real. Perhaps the "realest" post I have ever written on my blog.

When we moved into our home, a Mommy Bird built a nest on our patio. A few weeks later, three little baby birds peeked their heads out of the nest. They were adorable - little tufts of hair and sweet chirps. Military Husband and I enjoyed checking on them daily. Soon after they were born, the Mommy Bird moved the babies out of the nest to teach them to fly. I assumed they were in our front yard because I saw her teaching one on our pathway to the front door.

Yeah. I assumed wrong.

Today, I opened the patio door to let BabyBelle and #MaddiethePug use the bathroom. Suddenly, I heard a loud crash and barking. I ran outside and BabyBelle was chasing a tiny baby bird. The bird was hopping along the patio when BabyBelle caught it in her mouth. I BEGGED her to drop the baby bird. She held it, looking at me, readjusted it in her mouth and then, dropped it on the ground. I ran over to help the baby bird.

Nevertheless, it was too late. I moved the pugs back from the innocent little creature. And then, I watched it take two deep breaths. 

The last breaths of its short life.

It was heartbreaking. 

Look, I am a grown woman. I have attended funerals. I worked in criminal and personal injury law and have seen crime scene and accident photos. Point being, I am no virgin to the harsh reality of death. But, BUT, in that instant watching that little bird's life end, I was traumatized.

Death is harsh, cold and unforgiving. In case you were wondering, the last moments of life are nothing like the movies. There are no glowing white lights, no choirs singing and there damn sure is no Hanz Zimmer score playing in the background. In an instant, the little bird's life was stolen away. And there was nothing I could do to change the situation. No pressing rewind. No do-overs.

Just silence.

For a minute, I was a paralyzed. I knew I had to bury the bird, but I could not leave it in our backyard. BabyBelle has been going through a digging phase. I tried to text Military Husband, but he was busy with work. I called my mother and she did not answer her phone. Finally, I took a deep breath, grabbed our shovel, a small bag and went outside to retrieve the lifeless creature. Looking around the outside of our home, I decided to bury him in the front of our home so he could rest peacefully.

And yes, I knew BabyBelle did not mean to harm the bird. She only wanted to play. Our home is "in the country" as opposed to suburbia and for the first time, she has been exposed to geckos, moles, birds, frogs, crickets and a plethora of other critters. She LOVES them all and wants so badly to have new playmates. She was terribly confused at what happened and I had to give her cuddles and kisses to reassure her of my love.

Then, I went outside and I dug his tiny grave. Hot tears were rolling down my cheeks as I fastened him a tiny cross with some wires and sticks.


Nature is so cruel.

And so is life. I was just telling my friend Julie at Jewels Wandering when I was single, I was concerned I would die alone. Now that I am married, I spend my days worrying about Military Husband. I wonder why fate was so unfair in making me wait so long to meet him, I fret about his safety and I stress over one of us growing old alone.

And there, in an instant, watching that little bird's life stripped from him, all of these thoughts came rushing into my mind.

THIS is life.

Our time on this earth is so precious and short. Make the most of every day and never take your loved ones for granted. We are living at the precipice of one of the worst eras. There is an incredible amount of hate, anger, violence and evil surrounding us. Sadly, there is little we can do other than try to be kind to each other.

Be beacons for a more peaceful world.



Giving my pugs extra love tonight, I am,



68 comments:

  1. Since I moved into my new house, we haven't brought my dog over here yet. She's at my old house with my mother. She's got cataracts so she'll have to get used to a new place. We tried it out for a day and she freaked out soon after we moved in. I had to work so she had to go back to her comfortable place.

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    1. Oh no! I hope she can come to your place soon! It's a huge adjustment for them really. They are like little people!

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  2. Oh dear, what a day... Poor little bird, poor Baby Belle. Luckily for me, George doesn't go after the birds that come to the balcony.. But he does go after the geckos... Ahh the harsh reality of nature... Not all will survive, but us humans. Sigh. We like to kill ourselves... For what?!?!?! :(

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    1. Yes, BabyBelle likes the geckos too.
      Oh I know. Like that line in Ex Machina- We are destined to become extinct!
      Xxoo

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  3. I'm still crying. I remarried, after 22 years, not because of the "one great love that got away" but I was married to someone physically and emotionally abusive and it took that time to heal and find the kindest, gentlest man I've ever met. But he too travels, not for the military but as an engineer to many countries where it it SO not safe for a blue eyed blond American. And I worry. When I read your post I thought to him being away again and this chapter from my first book. It's WAY too long to print in the comments (you'd be like "seriously girl friend, shut up already".) but here is the link. I hope it either dries or forever frees those tears.

    http://thebookofbarkley.blogspot.com/2016/07/for-military-pug-wive-small-winged.html

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  4. Oh noes! Poor burdie, and poor Baby Belle! Okays, this happened....Ma's Irish Terrier Maggie got a burdie and swallowed it whole. Yups. Ma was so shocked, all she could yell was "nooooooooo! crap." Maggie had a terrible habit of swallowing 'treasures' which, unfortunately got her into surgery once (peach pits...yikes!) Anyhu, it wasn't as traumatic I guess, cause it was over in an instant, and she didn't have to have a funeral or anythings. When Ma told Gpa, he didn't let her kiss him for a week! BOL!!! I am sendin' a pitcher of margaritas and a stuffie for Baby Belle, so you can have a better night...☺
    I loved this post, and you're right, SO much hate, anger, and violence lately. I do see glimmers of light and grace ~ unfortunately, it's few and far between. Let's all do 'good'...it's free, and easier than the alternative...
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥♥
    pees: Thanks BUNCHES for the POTP!!! I see my vettie tomorrow night, so I will update ya'll when I hear....

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    1. Please update us Ruby!! We love you!
      And swallowing the bird made me think of Catwoman. When she swallowed Penguins bird in Batman Forever? That made me giggle. Thank you for that. I needed it! Xxoo

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  5. :( This breaks my heart for all the sweet things involved. Poor bird and baby Belle! Hugs!

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  6. Oh no. I am so sorry :( I would be a hot mess too. Is there any way to make sure the other birds have moved, so this doesn't happen again? And to have husband be gone and deal with this on your own... :( I'm just sorry.

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    1. I'm going to throw out the old nest. But I'll have to keep an eye on her outside. I feel so guilty because I'd come in from working out and was so hot I didn't walk outside with her like I usually do.
      Thank you love! I'm ok! It stunk. Maddie is such a tough tho...I was just telling MH that Maddie was like "whatever give me bacon" when it all went down lol.

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  7. Nature can be cruel but it can also be amazing and wonderful,
    Sending you big hugs, its always hard dealing with life when our hubbys are away, I used to hate it when mine was on detachment someone, especially when it was out of the country in a different time zone. Take care
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah and her Mum xxx

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  8. Awe sweetie, I'm so sorry you had a difficult day. I hope today is so much happier for you!!! xoxoxox

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  9. Aw, sad story. My dog killed a baby rabbit once. He just wanted to play with it!

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  10. Big hugs for you and BabyBelle. This must have been so hard
    love
    Mr Bailey, Hazel & Mabel

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  11. Bless your heart and little baby belle, I know this was hard on both of you. Hugs stella rose and momma

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  12. (((Hugs))) What an emotional day for both you and BabyBelle!

    I am a big believer in living each day to the fullest, thank you for the reminder of just how fragile life is...

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  13. I've been in the legal field for years and seen my share of horrors as well, but there is something haunting about the death of innocent things... We had a similar happening at my friend's house last week. One day the wrens and babies were all well and good, next morning the bird house was on the ground and empty. It wasn't even my birdhouse and I'm still really heartbroken over it.

    <3

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  14. Awe I am so sorry. I have had my share of wildlife burials due to my dogs or someone running over a duck in our neighborhood. It is never easy & I feel the exact same way as you.

    Life is so short & after the events I experienced this past weekend it has shaken me. I am still so unbelievably sad for our neighbor and his family. I could not stop crying Sunday and still tear up just thinking about it. We definitely need less hate and more love in this world!!!

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    1. I totally agree!!! I'm so sorry for them!!

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  15. Sorry about your day! Hard days usually remind me of all the things you take for granted, and it's good to reflect often!
    -Kristen
    www.pugsandpearls.com

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  16. Oh I'm so sorry MW about the little bird....I know how you feel 100%. Many years ago we were planting flowers around a stump. We were using a spade to dig. We did NOT know there was a
    rabbit's nest there...on our last dig we saw that we had ACCIDENTALLY struck a baby rabbit with the spade. It was alone and actually could have already have passed but we just expected we had done it. We put the tiny little rabbit in a zip lock sandwich bag then gave it a proper burial.

    You are right love like there is no tomorrow.
    Hugs madi and mom

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    1. Omgosh that is heartbreaking! I mean you know that happens all the time with the power and cable and phone companies digging, but for us it's so hard! These little innocent creatures aren't given very long on earth. On the other hand, roaches live forever....why????

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  17. I'm so sorry. We all know she didn't mean to do it -- it's just instinctual. :( It's still hard. Sweet birdie.
    Thank you for treating him/her with kindness.
    KZK

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    1. I know! Poor Belle. She didn't understand at all. Xxoo

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  18. So sorry, it's so heartbreaking! It's a completely different thing when it happens right in front of your eyes, it's never easy. I like how you touched on about when you were single and you'd fear about dying alone. Not that I am married, I can't help but worry about something happening, it's a vicious circle, but that's just life.

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    1. I know!! I'm so glad someone said that about being married. It's so true!! Xxoo

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  19. This is so sad, there is just something so sickening and heavy about watching something die. Fortunately, I've never seen any lost loved ones take their last breaths. However, I did watch a bird get ran over completely standing up and the weight of the tire completely flattened him out. I got sick to my stomach and thought about it for days. It's just like you said certainly not like the movies, instead it feels like you are about to get the stomach flu and your heart has dropped. It's down right scary!

    God bless,

    XO, Claire

    Http://www.littlemissfashionqueen.com


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    1. So true! But on the flip side, creating a life is the most incredible and beautiful part about life! I'm so happy for your journey as a soon to be mommy. Xxoo

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    2. Thanks so much girl! It really doesn't feel real, like a baby is coming in just 3.5 months and he's mine hahaha.

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  20. Oh, this is heartbreaking. About two months ago, we had baby bunnies nesting in our yard. My Italian greyhound killed two of them. I tell you, I was traumatized. Life is tough for baby wildlife, and I would just prefer they not nest in my yard because it's too traumatic if something happens. I get you.

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    1. Thank you so much for commenting!! All of this made me feel better! Xxoo

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  21. My son did something similar once. He found a baby bird and played with it until I found him outside but the bird was already gone. I was pregnant and hormonal and cried and he didn't understand why. It was so sad.

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    1. Oh no! He's so innocent. He just wanted a friend. Bless his heart. Big hugs to you mom!!

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  22. Awww...you brought tears to my eyes. You're such a good person. My stepdad found his dog with a rabbit in its mouth, shaking it like it was a squeak toy. He caught it in time...the dog dropped the rabbit and it hopped off, thank goodness. But I see my dog pick up stuffed animals and shake them around and I do think it's such instinct.

    Also, my husband travels a LOT for work and my dog has gotten very attached to me. She's accepted that I'm the one who will be with her every day and he'll come back from the road and she'll be excited, but she still primarily stays with me. It took a while for that bond to form, though. Once it does, you're the dog's world!

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    1. Thank you! I'm largely a shit, but I try to do better! :)
      Belle loves me, but she's definitely a daddy's girl! Funny thing is, Maddie was Military Husbands before we met and even he would tell you that she's my little girl now. I'm her world!

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  23. We had the EXACT same scenario this evening. I let Diesel out and then all of a sudden I heard a bunch of birds chirping. I went outside and Diesel had a baby bird from the next underneath our deck in his mouth. He obviously didn't know what he was doing... but it was the saddest thing ever. My husband tried to get him inside and couldn't. I finally had to get between him and the bird and carry him inside... nature is so so cruel.

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    1. Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you too. Poor thing, he just wanted to play. It stinks because they both are innocent creatures. Xxoo

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  24. I've been feeling pretty emotional for the past several weeks too - so many depressing things going on in this world. But trying to look for the good in everything...

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  25. Oh no! How sad. I'd be bummed too. My cats would so go after birds if we let them out.

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    1. Yeah! It stunk! I mean they have to potty and it's their yard. I'm just going to try and keep them from nesting in our yard.

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  26. Awww, I am sending you and the pugs virtual hugs. I'm so sorry. Life is unpredictable so we have to live each day as if it were our last. One day it will be whether we are prepared or not. Enjoy life ♥

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  27. Gosh. Our dogs here are really playful. Too playful they've killed 2 chickens already. It's sad but they know no better. Hope you're feeling better now though.

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  28. I feel you on this one- cute little birds keep hitting our big front picture window. I hate having to look around the corner to see if they made it or not.

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  29. What a tough day for all of you. Thank you for sharing it though - and reminding us that life is precious and short and shouldn't be taken for granted.

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  30. This post is amazing. I know just how you feel watching the sweet creature take its last breath. I hit a squirrel one time with my car, he literally darted out in front of it, I heard a thump, stopped (horrified) jumped out and watched the sweet thing breath its last breaths. I lovvvveee squirrels and I honestly skipped the class I was heading to because I was so upset. Ugh, it’s hard. You are sweet to give the little one a proper burial. It does speak to a larger issue of life in general. Hugs.

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    1. Aw thank you! You're such a sweet person! You seem like a beautiful person inside and out! I can't stand when critters run out in front of my car because I'm practically having a wreck to avoid hitting one. It's difficult out here in the country because the critters are everywhere! Xxoo

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  31. I appreciate the rawness and realness. All life is precious, including a baby bird's. It's okay to cry and contemplate. God bless you.

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  32. I think it's healthy to get a wake up call like that from time to time. It makes us aware of our mortality and to value the short time we have with the ones we love.

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  33. HUGS. We had a cat a while back and when we lived in this one house, a bird got in somehow. I was freaked out by the bird, and then our cat caught it and brought it to me like a prize. I was so upset at the idea that she could kill another animal that I started crying hysterically and had to hide in my room until my husband got the bird out of the house. Thankfully, it wasn't dead, but the combo of thinking that our cat was capable of killing and my pregnancy hormones just set me off. I felt bad because she thought she was doing something good and wanted me to be proud of her. I'm sure she was not expecting my reaction. I think for revenge, she would just stand at the door to the laundry room and meow, just to freak me out. That's where the bird had come in from originally.

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