June 9, 2016

Shit I Do When Military Husband Is Out Of Town



Military Husband is, as you know, in the military.


I know, I KNOW. However, sometimes I feel you might forget. For the most part on "Le Olde Blog De Mili Wifey" (how clever with the language am I, right?), I am preoccupied with talking about myself, ratchets, Lifetime movies, thug life and......

of course, MYSELF.

I am over here doing great things, people.

Well, I mean, in my mind I am.

Anyhoo, Military Husband occasionally has to leave town for training, classes and work. Thus, it is just me and the pugs all alone in the house. You might be asking to yourself:

What the hell does she do by herself?

THIS is what I did when I found out ABC cancelled Agent Carter.
#stillsaltyashell

Nah. I know some of my fellow spouses might cry their eyes out or use booze to soothe the loneliness, but not this girl. The only child in me enjoys her alone time and besides, I always cuddle a good drink no matter what the circumstances.

Or a few drinks.


But truly, I digress.

Anyhoo, in case you were wondering, I have complied a list of activities I do when I am all by myself. Here is the Shit I Do When Military Husband Is Out Of Town.

1) Just Dance Party

You are lying to me, and most importantly, yourself, if you do not claim to have a dance party when your significant other is not around. When Military Husband is gone, I turn up Run The World (Girls) and shake it like a polaroid picture.


And no one can tell me:


I am actually fairly shameless about this when he is in town. I own Just Dance 2015 and 2016 for PS4. Hit me up for a dance challenge if you own either! And if you REALLY have never danced like a fool when you have the house to yourself, I highly recommend you do so immediately. Not only is it great exercise, but you know, it is fun.

And funny. 


I am laughing at you with you, boo.

2) Bedroom Pig Out

You know what is great when you have the house to yourself? You can eat whatever you want, wherever you want. And that includes the bed.


Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Crumbs and such stuck to the sheets. But, BUT, you can clean it up (this is what the washer is for, people!) and no one but you and I will ever know your secret. Taco Bell, pizza, Ratchet Mall Cookies and an extra large bag of cheesy poofs all taste better in bed. To heighten and sophisticate the experience, chug wine or a mixed drink while enjoying your Nachos Bell Grande. 

It is extremely relaxing.


Right. It is a little bit ratchet. However, sometimes:


#word

3) TTT: Trashy Television Time

For the most part, Military Husband and I enjoy the same television programs. Nevertheless, there are a few that he just cannot stomach.

Like, you know:


The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. He just cannot get down with these classy ladies. When he is away, I can watch all the Real Housewives I want, I can mix in a little bit of Number 2 and all night it is like:


And no one does.

It is amazeballs.

4) Be Lazy AF

Let's be honest here, friends. I sort of do this now. My little "work sabbatical" has become a lifetime of laziness. However, we shall pretend I ONLY do this when Military Husband is away for the purposes of the symmetry of this post.

For real though:


I can stay up all night gossiping to my friend Julie. You can meet her here at:


She is awesome. Follow her blog because she is a bad bitch like me. #kthanks

And I can sleep all damn day.


Yep, I am highly aware that makes me incredibly lazy and wasting my life away in bed. And I love every single second I spend with my friends Sister Sheet and Brother Pillow.

5) Cosplay Won't Stop Can't Stop

So, um, this one you might find a little strange, odd or incredibly weird.

This entire post is #reallyfuckingweird.
But hey, you are still reading!

When Military Husband is out of town, it seems like a good time to go cosplay crazy. For example, I could bust in our federal courthouse and demand they release all intelligence files on HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D.


Would that get me arrested or #nah?

Or I could show up like this:


At a local sushi restaurant. That is not too dramatic, right?

Or I could test out my shooting skills on anyone carrying a vibranium shield.


Or just anyone. Which would definitely get me arrested.

Anyhoo, this is just some of the Shit I Do When Military Husband Is Out Of Town. Hopefully, I have inspired you to try some new hobbies when you have the house to yourself whether it is for a short period of time or a lengthy deployment.

Just remember:


I promise. 

Disclaimer: Um. Yes, I miss Military Husband when he is out of town. This is for the funny. The capital F-U-N spells good times. I am not a cold hell bent ice queen witch despite what my winged monkeys tell everyone (don't listen to them- they eat their poo). I love Military Husband very, very much. 

What do you do when your significant other is out of town, away on business or deployed? How do you keep yourself busy? Let me know in the comments below!



53 comments:

  1. LOL I pretty much do all that when my husband leaves for work everyday. Hope military husband isn't gone too long would hate for you too get arrested in one of your outfits ;)

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    1. I do this stuff when he's at work too!! Hahahaha!! Xxoo

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  2. Haha yes!!!! I love my alone time when he is gone!

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    1. Right? The tv and snacks are yours! And you'll have a partner in crime soon. I love my mom!!

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  3. I WISH I had some alone time! I'd kill for 1 hour all by my glorious lonesome!!! I feel like I'm either trying to stop Pem from cutting her own hair, or running around nursing Wavie while drinking cold coffee. Just 60 minutes alone! Please, God, someday...

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    1. Oh no! She's already giving haircuts! I did that lol! Send them to ME!! Lol

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    2. They are on their way, girl ;-) lol

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  4. AHAHA Too, too funny!! I'm all for the Cosplay!! I think you should take pics of you in action in strategic places...!!

    Thanks for the shout out..! xxx

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    1. Right? That would be awesome!
      Of course boo! I love you, my sister from an Asian mister!! Xxoo

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  5. Alone time is so great, especially with pregnancy hormones I can be a bit...well...um...crazy!

    God bless,

    XO, Claire

    Http://www.littlemissfashionqueen.com


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    1. Haha I'm sure you're great!! It's allowed when you're preggo!! Xxoo

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  6. I hope Mili Hubby is back home soon. Until then, just keep dancing!

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  7. It's funny you should post this as my wife is away at her mother's this week. Since today is the last day I plan a blog post for this afternoon so full details will be there. Safe to say laziness, junk food and movies are high up on my list of activities.

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    1. Aw! Lol! I guess we are all the same!! Xxoo

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  8. I'd love to do some of these while my husband travels but I have those pesky things called kids!

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  9. Turn up the music and give concert performances...yep I do it.

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  10. Lol, your posts always crack me up ;-) My military (still) husband is out of town for a year until next March, but we are using it as a separation year and will be getting a divorce next year. We're still friends though, thank Goodness, which makes all of this less dramatic than it could be. Cheers to that!

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    1. Sorry to hear that. :( I'm glad you are both friends though. Xxoo

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  11. bahahahah. Love it. I need to get some dance games for our systems, I feel like I would love them

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  12. Yep, I hear ya. I'm an only child too so alone time is pretty precious to me, though pretty hard to come by. The question is...what is military pug doing when military wife is out of the house?? ;)

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    1. LOL! She sleeps and hangs out with her sissy BabyBelle!

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  13. No significant other living with me, and this is probably why none of the past S.O.'s never would have survived living with me.... Too many potential missing persons reports. When I have nothing to do and no one is expecting me to be anywhere, I tend to turn what should be a 10 minute errand into a six hour drive because hey that road looks interesting I wonder where it goes

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  14. I always seem to have less time for what I need to get done, so not much really. Though Daisy only's been away once and that was just a few days

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    1. I'm sure you missed her too! It's obvious and awesome how much you love her!! Xxoo

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  15. I'll admit to the Dance Party. And since I still want to be a rock star when I grow up, there was also a lot of very loud singing when my hubby was deployed, TDY, in the field, or wherever. ...except for when we lived in very tight quarters and the neighbors... well, you know.
    KZK

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    1. Lol!! Do Cam and Mags join in? Sometimes the pugs do!! Xxoo

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  16. I pig out and watch bad TV as well. It's fantastic!

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  17. I love being around my husband but sometimes I enjoy the "me" time. Like your guy, my husband can't stand the Real Housewives. So I'll binge watch RHONYC and RHOOC when he's not around. I, too, love Sister Sheet and Brother Pillow. Don't see 'em often enough, it seems.

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  18. trashy tv and shows hubby can't stand are on binge mode when hubby is out of town!

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  19. I feel you on the doing strange and unusual shit while your significant other or room mates are gone.
    That Beyoncé quote LOL!!!!!

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  20. I always watch trashy TV when my husband is away. And eating junk, cereal for dinner for all the kids and me? Let's do this. And wine of course. ;)

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  21. We missed you all
    Hugs MW, Madfie and Baby Belle
    Flat madi

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  22. Okays, I don't knows how I missed all your posties! You're not the only one though, it seems my bloggie feed has kicked out a few bloggers that I thought just weren't posting! Anyhu, time to catch up! Since I lives with Ma, she does most of this stuffs already! BOL!!!! She always is dancin', she even dances on her elliptical! she be NUTS! butts, she says no one knows, so who cares?!!! oooops. well now YOU know, so shhhhh, don't tell! ☺
    I thinks you and my Ma needs to have a sleepover when MH is away....I thinks the PoPo might make an appearance.... just sayin'...
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

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    1. Yes!!! We could totally Supernatural cosplay. I mean you're Ruby after all!! Xxoo

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  23. I love my husband, but I'm always happy when he goes out of town for a bit. I dance around singing "it's mine, it's all mine". But I will deny that if he asks.

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  24. Yep, I like to do a whole lot of nothing when he's gone. Complete lazy bones over here.

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  25. I have random dance offs with the kids. I do this when he's home too, but more so when he's away cause he usually catches me and laughs. Lol. Late night shows including American Dad, Family Guy and any other nonsense shows like that. Lol

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    1. Aw you sound like such a fun mom!! Xxoo

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  26. My husband's job keeps him super busy, so I catch up on my guilty pleasure shows when I know he's going to be occupied for a long stretch of time or working at the office late.

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    1. Aw yeah! Wish we lived closer I'm sure you'd be my favorite person to watch musicals and laugh with when Military Husband works late!

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