Military Husband is, as you know, in the military.
I know, I KNOW. However, sometimes I feel you might forget. For the most part on "Le Olde Blog De Mili Wifey" (how clever with the language am I, right?), I am preoccupied with talking about myself, ratchets, Lifetime movies, thug life and......
of course, MYSELF.
of course, MYSELF.
I am over here doing great things, people.
Well, I mean, in my mind I am.
Anyhoo, Military Husband occasionally has to leave town for training, classes and work. Thus, it is just me and the pugs all alone in the house. You might be asking to yourself:
What the hell does she do by herself?
THIS is what I did when I found out ABC cancelled Agent Carter.
Nah. I know some of my fellow spouses might cry their eyes out or use booze to soothe the loneliness, but not this girl. The only child in me enjoys her alone time and besides, I always cuddle a good drink no matter what the circumstances.
Or a few drinks.
But truly, I digress.
Anyhoo, in case you were wondering, I have complied a list of activities I do when I am all by myself. Here is the Shit I Do When Military Husband Is Out Of Town.
1) Just Dance Party
You are lying to me, and most importantly, yourself, if you do not claim to have a dance party when your significant other is not around. When Military Husband is gone, I turn up Run The World (Girls) and shake it like a polaroid picture.
And no one can tell me:
I am actually fairly shameless about this when he is in town. I own Just Dance 2015 and 2016 for PS4. Hit me up for a dance challenge if you own either! And if you REALLY have never danced like a fool when you have the house to yourself, I highly recommend you do so immediately. Not only is it great exercise, but you know, it is fun.
I am laughing
at you with you, boo.
2) Bedroom Pig Out
You know what is great when you have the house to yourself? You can eat whatever you want, wherever you want. And that includes the bed.
Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Crumbs and such stuck to the sheets. But, BUT, you can clean it up (this is what the washer is for, people!) and no one but you and I will ever know your secret. Taco Bell, pizza, Ratchet Mall Cookies and an extra large bag of cheesy poofs all taste better in bed. To heighten and sophisticate the experience, chug wine or a mixed drink while enjoying your Nachos Bell Grande.
It is extremely relaxing.
Right. It is a little bit ratchet. However, sometimes:
3) TTT: Trashy Television Time
For the most part, Military Husband and I enjoy the same television programs. Nevertheless, there are a few that he just cannot stomach.
Like, you know:
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. He just cannot get down with these classy ladies. When he is away, I can watch all the Real Housewives I want, I can mix in a little bit of Number 2 and all night it is like:
And no one does.
It is amazeballs.
4) Be Lazy AF
Let's be honest here, friends. I sort of do this now. My little "work sabbatical" has become a lifetime of laziness. However, we shall pretend I ONLY do this when Military Husband is away for the purposes of the symmetry of this post.
For real though:
I can stay up all night gossiping to my friend Julie. You can meet her here at:
She is awesome. Follow her blog because she is a bad bitch like me. #kthanks
And I can sleep all damn day.
Yep, I am highly aware that makes me incredibly lazy and wasting my life away in bed. And I love every single second I spend with my friends Sister Sheet and Brother Pillow.
5) Cosplay Won't Stop Can't Stop
So, um, this one you might find a little strange, odd or incredibly weird.
This entire post is #reallyfuckingweird.
But hey, you are still reading!
When Military Husband is out of town, it seems like a good time to go cosplay crazy. For example, I could bust in our federal courthouse and demand they release all intelligence files on HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D.
Would that get me arrested or #nah?
Or I could show up like this:
At a local sushi restaurant. That is not too dramatic, right?
Or I could test out my shooting skills on anyone carrying a vibranium shield.
Or just anyone. Which would definitely get me arrested.
Anyhoo, this is just some of the Shit I Do When Military Husband Is Out Of Town. Hopefully, I have inspired you to try some new hobbies when you have the house to yourself whether it is for a short period of time or a lengthy deployment.
Disclaimer: Um. Yes, I miss Military Husband when he is out of town. This is for the funny. The capital F-U-N spells good times. I am not a cold hell bent ice queen witch despite what my winged monkeys tell everyone (don't listen to them- they eat their poo). I love Military Husband very, very much.
What do you do when your significant other is out of town, away on business or deployed? How do you keep yourself busy? Let me know in the comments below!