March 15, 2016

Rat Boy The Cookie Douche, Or The Ratchet Mall Strikes Back!



You might remember back in the summer I wrote a post on The Ratchet Mall. Friends, I am fairly certain that my snark about said mall has cursed me. I am being punished for gawking at hoodrats and laughing at people who purchase glow in the dark blowup dolls at Spencer's.

This is what I get for being so judgmental.

It is like the Ratchet Mall has taken out billboard space on the highway of my life that reads:

But, BUT. It was funny.
#sorrynotsorry

You see, I have a cookie problem. I LOVE cookies, and when I get that feeling for a delectable bite of cookie yumminess, I head to a staple of The Ratchet Mall: 

This happens once a week. Or more.
#nojudgmentplease

About a month ago, I went to get my buy three, get one free stash of iced cookies. I was surprised to see a man working the counter I had never seen before. A tiny little rat-like looking individual who seemed terribly displeased that at 27 years old his only accomplishment was icing Minions on cookie cakes for pimply pre-teens.

I shall call him Rat Boy.


Rat Boy The Cookie Douche.

The interaction between myself and Rat Boy The Cookie Douche went something like this:

Me: Can I have three iced cookies please?

Rat Boy The Cookie Douche: Yeah, whatever.

And THEN, he proceeds to place ALL three gooey iced cookies in a little paper bag smashing all the cookies together. The icing was smeared all over the bag. It was a big hot mess and looked nasty. 

Did any of you ever watch Twilight Zone: The Movie as a child? You know the scene where the little boy who can make things happen with his mind has everyone eat peanut butter hamburgers?

Gross as eff is an understatement.

Totally reminded me of that. #puke

Me: Um. Right. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but really? The icing is all smushed together and stuck to the paper bag. How can I eat those?

Rat Boy The Cookie Douche: The icing is fresh so it is gonna be like that. Deal with it.

Me: Can you just put them in a box? 

Rat Boy The Cookie Douche: Uh, actually a box is $1.50. If you want to pay $1.50, you can have a box.

Me: 

What kind of highway cookie robbery is this?

Now, I have been to The Great American Cookie Company 5,432,000 times. Not one of those times was I charged for a box. Legit, they have tons of boxes stacked up by the counter specifically for the cookies that people purchase. Needless to say, I was not about to pay $1.50 for a paper box, so I took my gooey iced cookies in the bag and left.

A few weekends later, Military Husband and I went in The Ratchet Mall to see if a game was available at Gamestop. And this conversation took place:

Military Husband: Do you want cookies?

Me: Yes, but Rat Boy The Cookie Douche is working.

Military Husband: I'll handle it.

A few minutes later, an extremely angry Military Husband returned with NO cookies.

Me: What happened?

Military Husband: I told him to put your iced cookies in a box and he told me a box cost $2.00.

Me: SEE! I told you. He raised his price. Last time, he told me the box was $1.50.

Military Husband: Yeah. I told him to go fu*k himself with his box. 

(Remember folks, Military Husband is from New Jersey. He is a polite gentleman who can bring the ratchet when necessary.)

Le Sigh. I figured I probably would not be getting any cookies from The Great American Cookie Company again after Military Husband's encounter, but, you know:


Nevertheless, I have returned to The Ratchet Mall when Rat Boy The Cookie Douche was not working. Not ONE.SINGLE.TIME was I charged for a box. The other employees placed my iced cookies in a box as if it were no big deal. So, question posed, what is Rat Boy The Cookie Douche's problem? What kind of scam is he running here? Does he pocket the cash he gets for charging unsuspecting Ratchet Mall goers a box?

What I do know is:


Ratchet fuckery, indeed.

Like I said, I suppose that this is how The Ratchet Mall strikes back. It holds my beautiful, delicious iced cookies hostage. Last week, I wanted cookies so badly I could have gnawed on the glass encased prison that holds them. Of course, after I drive ALL the way to The Ratchet Mall, Rat Boy The Cookie Douche, the jackass warden o'cookies is working.

I guess I could stop eating those cookies. I mean, those things cannot be healthy for me.

But, BUT:


Rat Boy The Cookie Douche. You suck.

Have you ever dealt with a rude employee at your favorite place to eat? Have you ever dealt with a nasty Ratchet Mall employee? Do you all want to hear more of my crazy life stories? Let me know in the comments below!

I really want a cookie now because I am,

56 comments:

  1. I bet he's pocketing the cash. I like how your husband handled it. I would likely just have written the yelp review from hell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Military Husband really gives no effs.
      I actually emailed the company through their form online, but they never responded. Kind of made me mad! Especially considering I give them a lot of our money.

      Delete
    2. Next time I'd just look at him and say "someone wake up on the wrong side of their cage this morning?"

      Delete
  2. I would suggest you complain, but I fear that everyone will then start charging you. Don't they have any of those parchment paper type things that they use at doughnut shops? I have actually stopped going places over one employee. There's a guy who works at our Chuy's (Mexican restaurant) who we call Lurch because he acts like the guy. Except ruder. I think he has Asperger's because he flips out if you don't stick to the script when ordering. We spent months asking NOT to be seated in his section, which always freaks the hostess out a little, believe me. They don't know how to handle it. Now our local The Egg and I has a similar problem. We were seated in this mean waitress's section once, so we picked a super-nice server and we always asked for her. She left to go work (guess where?) at Chuy's and so now when we go in, we can't ask for her. Last time we went, we got a second bad server and now we're just avoiding the place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omg!! That sucks! We are actually pretty lucky with servers. I have mad respect for the service industry too.
      But one bad server can really ruin an experience. :(

      Delete
  3. Mommas from NJ and said yippee to Military Husband BOL
    Lily & Edward

    ReplyDelete
  4. That's crazy, charging for boxes. I bet he's keeping the cash. I love the smell of that place but I can't eat it anymore 😭😭😭😭

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know right. The smell is heavenly!
      I hate myself for loving those cookies so much.

      Delete
  5. BOL BOL!! Dere wuz dis boy my momma knew in school who wuz known as Rat Boy - he thought at first it was some kind of cool nickname and didn't get dat people were making fun of him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol!
      Well this diminutive little creature is messing with my cookies! Rat actually might be too kind. Hahahaha

      Delete
  6. OMD, I don't thinks I can say how many HBO wordies Ma would have said to rat boy, butts needless to say, security probably would have been called! I thinks Military Husband was quite nice abouts the whole thingie! Oh, and YES! Ray boy is most DEFINITELY pocketing the cash! I don't knows this most magical cookie palace, butts Thank Dog that there is a See's Candy shop down the street....Ma loves the CA Brittle! Good thingie there are only nice lady retirees that work there! BOL! YOu knows, you can always call the place before you head down there..if rat boy squeaks when the phone is answered, you knows today is a Ben and Jerry's day! ☺
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know he is!! What a scammer.
      He should really thank me for giving him internet fame....hahahahaha!

      Delete
  7. This boy or man...whatever. Seems really rude, like down right mean. A girl just wanted her cookies...haha!

    God bless,

    XO, Claire

    Http://www.littlemissfashionqueen.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's definitely a boy hibernating in a 27-28 year old body.
      Haha. xxxoo

      Delete
  8. Oh my god, tell him to go F himself. But really, he should be reported. Serves him right. A girl needs her cookies, damnit!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know!!!
      Sigh...my first world problem of late. Lol.

      Delete
  9. Oh, he definitely must be pocketing the cash. I'd be like I talked to your manager, better watch yourself. And good job for Military Husband, mine would have done the same. Nothing comes between me and my sweets!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Get that grown man out of there! He's probably keeping that money for himself!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh my stars what a rude rude person at a place that is supposed to be fun, a cookie store.
    Somebuddy is pocketing box money
    When I see a cookie I cannot forget about it either...especially if it is with a bowl of I Scream!! Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies are delicious with Rainbow Sherbet!!

    Hugs madi and Mom

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yummy! I can't get those Pepperidge Farm ones because they are small and I want to eat the whole bag!! lol!!!

      Delete
  12. you could ask for rat boy's schedule from the manager and time your visits to his off hours. tell management you prefer to shop when he is not there, not why. I have never been in a cookie shop and I don't think we have one here, but then I never go in the mall so who knows what is in there. but rude is rude no matter what you are buying. he may be losing them business.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm still trying to figure out who the manager is because the only people I ever encounter seem to be just young employees.
      Oh I'm sure he is! I can't be the only one who doesn't want to buy a box!!

      Delete
  13. What a douche!!! I would have lost my mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know I know! You don't get between a woman and her food!! Especially cookies!!

      Delete
  14. LOLOLOL, Being a Jersey Girl, my husband always starts to cringe when I "Go Jersey" on someone. Needless to say I would have done the exact same thing as Mili Hub!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I have no patience for rude employees - their job is to keep customers happy - not piss them off!
    hugs
    PugRanch Mom

    Pee es
    We made your greenbean, potato, chicken bake on Sunday. - It was a hit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omgosh! Yay!!! Jenny at TheAdventuresoftheBellFurZoo made it too! So excited it was helpful!! Xxoo

      Delete
  16. I'm legit SO sorry you had this experience, but omg I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!! I think it's the ratboy photo...omg I can't stop laughing!
    -Kristen
    www.pugsandpearls.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! It is funny!
      But I want my damn cookies. Hahaha ;)

      Delete
  17. That would tick me off! I love those cookies too, but I would not pay $1.50 for a box! I mean ???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly!! And the cookies are expensive as it is!

      Delete
    2. Ratchet mall and rat boy deserve to rot.

      (And now I'm craving cookies!!!!)

      Delete
  18. Yes, keep telling your crazy life stories! What a jerk rat boy is. Hopefully he won't be working there long. I've never heard of Great American Cookies, sadly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha I have so many!!
      Oh it's a staple in most malls. We used to get the cookie cakes as kids for birthdays! (I still do....going on 12 years old over here)

      Delete
  19. You are so much nicer than I am. I would have confronted rat boy then complained to the manager. What is he doing with all that box money anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  20. That is unbelievable. I would have contacted the manager and next time brought my own box for free LOL
    Your husband cracked me up!!

    Diana

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Diana!!
      I know! I wonder what he would do if I showed up with my own box. Hm. The good news is, I got some today! Hooray!
      Military Husband has no time for jerks....hahaha. ;)

      Delete
  21. This story cracks me up, so crazy!

    God bless,

    XO, Claire

    Http://www.littlemissfashionqueen.com

    ReplyDelete
  22. We had a ratchet mall once upon a time. It was thing of glory and super sketch-ness. And then some asshole decided the half-abandoned piece of ratchet art should be torn down and replaced with The Shops At Nanuet*.

    Does your husband have any single brothers?

    You need a plan of action. My go-to never-fail method is to fake extreme insanity. It's amazing how fast people will give you what you want when they want to get rid of you as fast as possible. Next time he's there and won't give you a free box, start pacing and muttering to yourself, only make the muttering a two-sided conversation, and throw him the crazy eye every few seconds.








    *idea for the name no doubt stolen from The Shops At Riverside, which is the shopping capitol of the rich bitch hell that is Bergen County, New Jersey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omg that's such a good idea! I'm blonde, so I'm already crazy!!! Lol.
      He has a brother, but he's married. He does work with nothing but men in uniform tho! Hahaha

      Delete
  23. I do want more stories!!
    And a cookie...
    My man and I can only go to one of the five possible Tim Horton's around our area. He gets ratchet too ahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cookies are so good.
      Hahaha. I love it! You gotta get ratchet now and then.
      xxxxxxooooo

      Delete
  24. I wonder if his manager knows about his little scam operation. Terrible customer service! It may be time to find another cookie vendor at another less ratchety mall...
    I went out for lunch today to my favorite place and asked for no cheese on my salad. It took forever to get my salad because there was a long line. Then there was cheese on my salad, even though the receipt even said otherwise. I took a picture of the receipt next to the cheese in case I need proof. I just picked the cheese out as I had no time to wait in that line again! But grrr....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omg! Military Husband would die! He hates cheese!
      Update: I think they fired Cookie Douche!! Hooray!

      Delete
  25. Off topic...I love your new logo!

    ReplyDelete

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