August 28, 2015

Omigod, Omigod You Guys: 5 Times I Was Totally High "On Blonde"



If you are regular reader of my blog, you know that I am a blonde. My natural color is what you would call "dirty blonde," but over the past few years, I have been bleaching it to hell and back. Yes, I, yours truly, do the bleaching. Nope, I do not trust salons with my hair anymore. I have a WHOLE story on my hair salon experiences you can read at My Worst Hair Experience Ever: That Time Ulta Salon Almost Ruined My Hair.

My hair is actually fairly healthy, well, as healthy as it can be for bleached hair. Right, who am I kidding, but yeah, anyhoo, I like to call my bleached color "Surfer Blonde." However, Military Husband is quick to point it out as "Playboy Bunny Blonde."

Eh, whatever.

August 25, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network Afterlife: The Unauthorized Full House Story



On Friday night, Military Husband and I watched Straight Outta Compton, the biopic on the rise to fame of rappers Ice T, Easy E and Dr. Dre of NWA. We both agreed it was excellent and not only did a good job portraying the era in which the events occurred, but helped humanize the stories of these legendary artists in music history. I highly suggest you see this movie if get the chance.

Such a fitting film choice for the weekend. A "good" biopic which was a stark comparison to this:

August 24, 2015

Pug Posts: We Are InsePUGable!



Hello to all of my friends in Internet Land!

First of all, I want to announce the winners for #MaddiethePug's DOGSTERS Giveaway. Thanks to everyone who entered and please stick around our blog for more contests. The grand prize winner of the portable water bowl and voucher is (drum roll):


Congrats Ruby! Please email my mommy at militarywifeandpuglife@yahoo.com with your shipping information.

And the two other winners for a voucher for a free box of DOGSTERS are:


Make sure you email mommy with your shipping info, also.

Congrats again to everyone!

August 21, 2015

No Time For Losers, Cause We Are The Sisters of THE WORLD!



I said it once in The Blog Quote Challenge, Or That Time You Learned Some of My Favorite Quotes and now, I will say it again. When you guys tag me in a challenge or give me an award, I feel like the belle of the freaking blogger ball. I feel like Andie when Blane showed up at the prom, even tho, Blane was kind of douche - would you not totally rather go for Duckie? HELLO, he lip synced Otis for Andie. I feel like Sabrina the Teenage Witch when she left the alter and ran and jumped on Harvey's motorcycle while No Doubt's "Running" was playing in the background. I feel like Annie when she met Sam on the top of the Empire State Building and they were both all "It's you" "It's you."


Eh, I get a little warm and fuzzy.

But truly, I digress.

August 18, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network Fury Road: Sugar Babies



On Saturday night, Military Husband and I rented Insurgent, which in all actuality was Divergent 2 (Would these teen apocalyptic movies just stahhhhppp already?). Of course, just like the time we rented Divergent 1, this happened to me while we were watching:


Such a total snoozefest. 

However, in the grand scheme of Mili Wifey's life, it was nowhere near as bad as this:

Ha, Lifetime has been listening to me.
#LucidaHandwritingFont4theWIN

Now, I have to admit when I saw the preview for "Sugar Babies" last weekend, I got a few butterflies in ye olde bloggy fingers. After all, I have recapped Lifetime's "Sugar Daddies" in Lifetime Movie Network Explores the Yuck Factor and that movie, while horrible, was still a bit entertaining. But "Sugar Babies" would prove not to be the same in any way, shape, form or fashion. The only thing this movie managed to do in its two hour running time was repeat little yucky cliche's about "sugar bowls" and "sweet tooth" which only reminded me of one thing.

My freaking teeth. I might need ANOTHER root canal, people. I know, I KNOW, it is like the Dental Demon from Tooth Fairy Hell is just biding his time to rip out of all my molars and I am all:


But truly, I digress.

August 14, 2015

5 Possible Reasons Why I Blog Anonymously



I have been blogging almost a year now, and I suppose it is about time I addressed the elephant in the blog posts - the reasons why I am anonymous. Because I get the feeling that some of you read my blog and wonder:


And I get that "feeling" because some of you just straight up ask me. I mean, I get it; I totally understand, I would be curious too. But every single time I am asked who I am, I think to myself:


As an aside, I made this Ultron animated gif and, no shit, I wanted an excuse to use it in a post. So, here we are. #BOOM #imadeafunnyaroundaMarvelgif #dedicatedtotheMCU

But truly, I digress.

August 12, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network Bogus Journey: Fatal Memories



If you read #MaddiethePug's post this week Hotel For Pugs, Or #MaddiethePug's Excellent PugVenture, you know that Military Husband and I were able to enjoy a getaway this past weekend. Military Husband has been working crazy hours, and the mini-vacay was well needed and deserved. On Saturday night, the television was on while we both got ready for dinner and my husband was all:

Military Husband: Oh. I bet you are missing this already.

Me: My hair extensions? I cannot believe I forgot them.

Editor's Note: We were totally in a hurry to pack, and of course, I forgot my stink juice (also known as YSL Manifesto Perfume) and my hair extensions. Miss Ratchet USA without her weave? Hell to the NO. I was so pissed. I know, I know:


Military Husband: No. You do not need weave. I mean THIS.

Suddenly, I realized that "THIS" was "it" and Military Husband had "it" on television.

You know, The LMN. And I do not mean "Love My Ninja."


That would be way, WAY cooler than this:


August 10, 2015

Pug Posts: Hotel For Pugs, Or #MaddieThePug's Excellent PugVenture



Hello To All My Internet Peeps!

I'm sorry I haven't been commenting on all your fantastic blog posts, but #MaddiethePug just returned from a BIG adventure. You see, on Thursday night, my mommy decided to give me and my sister, BabyBelle Pug, a treatment at the pug spa. 

I was like, well, that seems #prettykewl.

#EwokPug

August 6, 2015

The Blog Quote Challenge, Or That Time You Learned Some of My Favorite Quotes



Some of you might think my malignant narcissistic personality disorder causes me to constantly think to myself:


I mean, well, yeah, sometimes, but not ALL the time. In all seriousness, I am always shocked when I read a tag or challenge post and see my name on the list of bloggers tagged. It makes me feel like Louise Miller when she got Shana's lucky jacket so she could cast her most popular girl spell. It makes me feel like Kelly when she won Homecoming Queen even though her face turned purple after using Screech's Zit Off cream. It makes me feel like Beyonce' when her hair got caught in the fan in Montreal and she was all "HALO, HALO, HALO" bitches because she is just that fabulous.  It makes me feel like, well, you get the idea.

August 3, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network Forever: His Secret Family



Saturday night, Military Husband and I finally went to the movies to see Marvel's Antman. It was GREAT, and kid friendly, so my mom followers should not hesitate to take the kiddos to check out the movie. While we waited through the credits, the man sitting on the row behind us (who was with his young children) made some comment like, "I hope the Marvel Easter Egg is Black Widow's boobs." This had my husband like:


Me? Well, I heard Black Widow, thought of Scarlet Johansson, and realized I had something to look forward to later. No, you pervs, not her tatas, but instead, her last movie Lucy. You see, I DVR'ed the movie because I do love me some ScarJo. Once we got home, I rolled through my DVR list to find my movie and I saw a title of a movie that made my upper lip quiver and my nose wrinkle up, as if I had smelt a barrage of Taco Bell farts.

At least they sprung for Courier font.

Reality hit me. I just smelt the biggest fart of all - the whiff of a Lifetime Saturday night. And as #MaddiethePug would say, "she who smelt it, dealt it," so with that, let me get started on sharing this gem with you. We open Saturday's movie, "His Secret Family," with a shot of Big Bear, California. In other words, a shot of Canada.

August 2, 2015

Pug Posts: #MaddiethePug Loves Munchkins



Hello to all my Internet peeps, #MaddiethePug is winding down after another great weekend with my family. And it is a great weekend for #MaddiethePug anytime it involves eating or food. You see, my daddy surprised me, my mommy and my sister BabyBelle Pug with Dunkin Donuts.

#MaddiethePug is a big fan of Dunkin Donuts.

#DDiseverything