September 29, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network The Final Chapter: Murder In Mexico

Over the weekend, Military Husband and I watched three movies: 1) Mazerunner: The Scorch Trials which is, in my opinion, the best teen apocalyptic movie series; 2) The Loft, which we both liked and is currently available on Netflix and; 3) The Visit, the latest M. Night Shamalamadingdong film, which, not surprisingly, was absolute garbage. 

At least two of the three movies we saw were decent, and just like How I Met Your Mother's "Naked Man," two out of three ain't bad.

Two out of three times, guaranteed.

But truly, I digress.

Of course, I certainly can not forget that other movie I watched this weekend. My weekly routine which is like a "Lifetime" of listening to a screaming baby in a poopy diaper calling my name:

This week's Lifetime movie "Murder In Mexico: The Bruce Beresford-Redman Story" was another one of those true crime/beyond the headlines Lifetime movies. Bruce Beresford-Redman is an Emmy award winning reality television show producer, most notably Survivor and Pimp My Ride, who stood trial in Mexico for and was ultimately convicted of the murder of his wife Monica. You can read all about his story if you are interested: Bruce Beresford-Redman's Story. Like I wrote last week, usually, Lifetime does a decent job with these "true crime" movies. 

But these past two weeks have just been PURE torture. And more torture than the usual Lifetime Saturday night. I mean, as soon as this movie began, I was like:

But I pressed on, all for you. Le Sigh.

September 28, 2015

Pug Posts: Fall = Puggercize

Happy Fall to All My Internet Peeps From #MaddiethePug!

Fall is here, and I am so excited because it is finally cool enough for Puggercize. What is Puggercize? It is the way #MaddiethePug and BabyBelle Pug gets their exercise. Basically, it means walks, but mommy gave them a name that is #prettykewl. We have to Puggercize because, as you know, we pugs LOVE to eat. So, from time to time, our coolies get a little flabby. You know how it goes. #morepugmoretolove

September 25, 2015

It Was My Birthday, Nothing But VIP

As you have been told, oh say, 5,432,000 times, September 9th was my birthday. And now, I am going to brag about my birthday. AGAIN.

I know, I KNOW. Last time, I SWEAR. 

September 22, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network Hell On Earth: Ungodly Acts

Before I start Saturday night's Lifetime recap, friends, we need to have a talk. Lifetime "people" have been coming to my blog and reading my recaps. First, it was Randy Blekitas, the actor who played Nick in The Bride He Bought Online, and most recently, John Doolan, the writer of The Murder Pact. They are reading my recaps, looking at my "stuff" and judging me.

I do not know if my nervous stomach can take this gig.

Right. In all seriousness tho, it really is an honor to have anyone from the films stop by with complimentary words. A HUGE thank you to both Randy and John. Keep making the movies, so I can keep bringing the fun (and the funny).

September 21, 2015

Pug Posts: #MaddiethePug's Birthday EX-PUGA-GANZA!

#MaddiethePug is back from her Birthday EX-PUGA-GANZA! I had the bestest puggy time ever with my Mommy, Daddy and sissy, BabyBelle Pug. On Friday, my Mommy and Daddy put us in the car really early for our trip and we got to the #ho-tel around 1:00 p.m. It was awesome! The first night me and sissy got to eat #ho-tel chicken fingers AND pizza.

Here I am, #MaddiethePug, relaxing in our #prettykewl hotel suite. 

#MaddiethePug is getting the #ho-tel VIPUG treatment.

September 18, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network Extinction: The Murder Pact

As most of you know, Military Husband and I were out of town last weekend. We had the BEST time. A full post is coming soon, but as a preview, one of my favorite evenings of the trip was spent eating at the absolutely delicious hotel restaurant and heading back to the room to enjoy some wine, dessert and the movie, Love & Mercy. I will have a review for it up on the blog in the near future, but let me just say, it will be criminal if this film does not receive a few Oscar nods this year.

Watching good movies before I take my Lifetime O'Punishment is like drinking a vat of vodka before spending the afternoon in Commercial Paper law class (this is the kind of law dealing with banking, the borefest that makes you want to slit your wrist with a rusty butter knife). The booze just never helped does NOT help. 

Kind of like spending an evening watching this:

Now, I have to admit something to you all. I *kind* of liked "The Murder Pact." I know, I KNOW:

September 16, 2015

On Being Mili Wifey, Or That Time I Got Serious (#LilBit)

Hello all my little precious olives in my endless glasses of martinis. I have returned from my birthday extravaganza and I have SO. MUCH. TO. SHARE.

I know, I KNOW, you are like:

But, BUT, I have funny stories and I saw some interesting "things." For example, "things" like this:

Yep, I am THAT asshole. I take pictures of strangers. Emphasis on #strange.
Hey, hey, hey it is for BLOGGING research. For YOU. 

September 13, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network 2 1/2: My Stepdaughter

Editor's Note: The following Lifetime movie premiered Friday, August 28, 2015. In preparation for Military Husband's leave and our vacay, I pre-wrote this Lifetime recap to replace Monday's Pug Post. Your regularly scheduled smoking pile of manure Saturday Lifetime Movie recap will return shortly. I know, I KNOW, but even I need a giant vat of booze brain break from the Lifetime Masterpiece Theatre. Oh, and #MaddiethePug says Pug Posts will return once she recovers from her vacation food coma.

Take it away Katy Perry. 

And you, yes YOU, grab your whip cream bra and hum along to the tune of "Last Friday Night":

Something stupid's on tv,
It's a film we shouldn't see,
Kind of an impending doom,
Like a fart has cleared the room.
I spot my remote from afar,
God, someone take me to a bar,
Lifetime's on the tv set,
I start breaking into a sweat.

Looking at dumb teens,
On my tv screen,
I'm screwed.
Oh hell.
It's a Lifetime recap,
But you're pretty sure it's crap.
Damn (you're right!).

Last Friday night, yeah a Lifetime movie's on,
Wait, it's not Saturday what's wrong
Tell me this is not a thing.
Last Friday night, 
I can't do this twice a week
I'm not some robotic freak
who enjoys this shit.
Last Friday night.


That's right, now Lifetime is pushing out Friday night movie premieres! And while I have no intention of doing this every week, I thought I would razzle dazzle you lovers of this horrible trash compost fine artistry by recapping the premiere of the FIRST Friday night Lifetime premiere:

September 8, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network Supremacy: River Raft Nightmare

On Saturday night, Military Husband and I watched San Andreas. While there were times I laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of it all, it was a decent summer blockbuster. There were tons of water scenes in the film kind of like there were in this:

The only difference was there was no Rock to lay the smack down on the bad actors' candy asses in "River Raft Nightmare." 

Oh, and it was needed.

It was SO needed.

September 7, 2015

Pug Posts: Puggy Travel Essentials

Hello friends, Happy Labor Day from #MaddiethePug!

I would like to thank EVERYONE who entered my $25 Petsmart Gift Card giveaway! There can only be one winner, and the winner is:

Marcia @ Menopausal Mom

Make sure to email my mommy at so you can claim your prize! And don't worry if you didn't win; my mommy is always holding fun giveaways.

Now, on to my birthday celebration. #MaddiethePug is so excited for her big #ho-tel birthday trip! My mommy is packing us all up and I wanted to share with you guys some of the essentials in my puggy luggage. Maybe this will help your mommy and daddy pack for you when they take you on your next #ho-tel trip (or your FIRST #ho-tel trip)!

September 4, 2015

MARVEL-ous Friday: Cap All Day, Everyday

Some things just bring out the #nerd in me. Like give me the nerdy shivers down to my geek spine.

One of Military Husband's coworkers makes Comic-Con cosplay costumes and I was super impressed. I asked Military Husband if his coworker minded me putting the pictures on my blog of my favorite "prop" he made, and he told him "no problem." Therefore, I wanted to share it with you all.

September 1, 2015

Lifetime Movie Network The Dark World: Fatal Flip

On Saturday afternoon, Military Husband and I went to see The Gift, a clever movie with superb acting by Jason Bateman. I feel like we do this every Saturday; see a really good movie to counteract the large, nasty, bitter pill of what occurs later that evening. You know, movies like this: