Because of my husband's long, unpredictable work hours, we do not get to see each other that often. Therefore, I was really excited when my husband agreed to be a guest poster on my blog. One of my husband and my favorite parts of any day is what we call "Family Time" which usually occurs right in front of our television watching either a movie or a show, with Coke Icees and, of course, our beloved pugs.
While we both love many of the same shows, we do not always see eye to eye. Thus, I present to you TV Shows He/She Watches I Just Can't With!
My Picks & Commentary:
I am fairly certain this show centers around a family of cops, with Tom Selleck's character being the patriarchal figure. To me, this show is Tom Selleck weekly looking like a fossilized ancient relic. By the way, how old is Selleck now? 100? Is he vampire? Or maybe he's actually Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's and another cast member is making him move?
One may never know.
Anyhoo, I am not suggesting this show does not have a following. It is actually quite popular.
And I am pretty sure that popularity comes in between time for meds and canasta down at Golden Acres Who Farted Retirement Home.
I imagine many conversations between residents like this:
Margie: George, that Blue Bloods is coming on!
Margie: Blue Bloods, the one with Tom Selleck, the real dapper fellow.
Margie: BLUE BLOODS with TOM SELLECK.
George: Tom Jones? Is that old fart still alive?
Margie: NO BLUE BLOODS WITH TOM SELLECK.
and so on....and so forth.
My husband loves to watch this show, as does my mother.
Me spend my Saturday night watching this?
This show is about espionage during the Cold War era. Most of you do not know what that is or would remember that because you were born the same year Nirvana's Nevermind was released....or even after that, which, incidentally, makes me feel really old.
So, you want to know the main problem I have with this show?
KERI FLIPPIN RUSSELL
Anyone else remember Felicity on the WB? The girl who followed a guy she had a crush on to college because he signed her yearbook? No one did "angsty pre-Tumblr drama" like Keri Russell as Felicity. Ah, the late 90s/early 2000s, when indie rock was all the rage, girls wore neckties as belts and Sarah McLachlan's Angel was not best known for that "oh god turn it off now" ASPCA ad with the injured puppies.
Anytime I see Keri Russell's face on The Americans, I see her in a corduroy jacket or one of those ridiculous peasant shirts giving one of those angst ridden hipster stares while Sixpence None the Richer's Melody of You plays in the background.
Which was like every freaking episode.
Now, if you don't remember Felicity, perhaps you saw a little known movie she was in called Waitress. It also stars Nathan Fillion, who is also on Castle or actually he IS Castle, one of the most boring shows to ever survive television ratings.
In this movie, she played a woman who, WHILE PREGNANT WITH HER HUSBAND'S CHILD, had an affair with a doctor because her husband was annoying and rude and all she wanted to do was bake pies. All kinds of pies. And they had cutsey names like "I hate my husband pie," "This movie is f-ing awful pie" and "I want to bitchslap Keri Russell pie."
Not really, but...
No offense, but if Keri Russell is the star of anything, I would rather stick needles that have been dipped in battery acid into my eyes than watch.
NCIS: Los Angeles/ANY NCIS (plus Suits and White Collar - ex voto)
My husband has repeatedly told me that my loathing of these NCIS shows is unfounded, I should realize these are military shows and everyone he works with watches them.
Well, I do not.
And I also do not watch shows about the legal profession (as a vow, ex voto, I made to myself to avoid all things law related). This includes any and all shows like Suits and White Collar, which my husband watches (this does not include any and all legal scenes in Marvel's Daredevil, any good lawyer, even a non-practicing one, knows there is always an exception, we have procedural rules for exceptions, ahem).
For the longest time, I actually thought Suits and White Collar were the same show. Actually, it was up until I wrote this blog that I realized oh, those are two different shows. Then, my husband explained White Collar was not really about lawyers, but about criminals.
Me: But, BUT, both shows look the same and they use the same sets and it looks like the same show.
Husband: They are both set in New York?
Me: But, BUT, the set looks identical in both shows.
And my husband looked at me like I just asked if Walmart sold walls.
But truly I digress.
On the topic of NCIS, my husband watches them all. The one I am most familiar with is Los Angeles because it stars L.L. Cool J who is not anything like I remember him from childhood.
And Linda Hunt who was in this horrible movie I watched as a child that was supposed to be Roseanne Barr's big segue into movies called She-Devil.
She probably wants to forget this film ever existed.
These NCIS shows are just one big snore-fest. And there are too many. I can't with them.
I have no idea what this show is about, but I do know that of all the shows my husband watches I can't with, this one annoys me the most.
The best way I can describe this show is that my brain tissue has been known to ooze out of my ear and make a break for the front door during any viewing.
As a matter of fact, I am 100% sure that all the brain tissue and spinal fluid harvested in the Knowhere, the galaxy in Guardians of the Galaxy, was probably collected from humans watching Royal Pains.
The producers of Royal Pains should really be reprimanded for this.
This is like my husband's Shark Week. EVERY SEASON HE HAS TO WATCH.
Here's EVERY season in a nutshell:
"Fifty miles outside of Dutch Harbor, storm clouds gather over a sea....."
*Grizzly looking men dump large pot in water to catch crabs*
*Someone gets seasick*
*Someone falls overboard*
"140 miles northwest, a whisper....."
Grizzly man: We've caught 100,000,000 pounds of crab. We've made season. King crab quota is made."
Unless a show called Deadliest Catch is about catching crabs at one of our local nightclubs, where it should be more than easy to make quota, I do not want to watch.
BUT, at the end of the day....
I still love my husband very much.
My Husband's Picks & Commentary:
I love my wife dearly. She is truly the love of my life, however, her choice in television can be questionable. Don't get me wrong, we do share some favorites we watch together, but there are some that just leave me scratching my head and asking why would you put yourself through this.
Here is my list of shows my wife watches I just can't with:
Massachusetts, witches, Indians, trials......
Not to mention, it can be down right nasty at times, meaning, it will keep you from wanting to eat for a few days.
Trust me, it is just the witch trials done again for the 100th time. When it is goes on television so does my iPad and Bose noise canceling headphones. Thanks honey - perfect Christmas gift!
The Real Housewives of Hell or Beverly Hills (you choose)
This crap comes on Bravo (and on way too often, if you ask me).
This is television at its worst. This is reality television so you can't expect too much. I am guilty of watching a few reality shows, but this is just bad. You have YOYO (editor's note: Yolanda Foster) from Amsterdam, a couple of washed up soap stars (editor's note: Lisa Rinna and Eileen Davidson), a pill popping booze hound (editor's note: Kim Richards) and her sister, Kyle Richards. Kyle was the little girl in the original Halloween which was an awesome movie, so that is kind of cool.
(Kyle Richards in Halloween)
Then you have another drunken mess who likes to use the "C" word all the you ladies love so much (editor's note: Brandi Glanville) and that Vanderpump lady.
Here's the past season's recap in a nutshell: yell, cry, drink, apologize, awkward get togethers, yell, cry, drink repeat.
Now, you have caught up on the entire 2015 season.
This is probably watched in retirement homes and by single women who hate men.
This one is beyond me. When she has any Youtube Vlogger on the Smart television it just sounds like a bunch of cats crying and hissing.
Lifetime Movie Network
Dirty old men, slutty babysitters and the worst acting on earth, cheating spouses, murders and the recent celebration of siblings in love.
No thank you.
My 600lb Life & Extreme Cheapskates
I put these two together because they rate at the top of the gross factor. Overeating, pulling your own teeth at home to save money, weight loss surgeries followed by ordering 5 extra value meals from KFC, finding prenatal vitamins in a dumpster and reusing bath water to save money. See why I can't watch?
My wife and I may not agree on all of our tv options, but since that's the worst of our problems, I am one very lucky man.
I hope you enjoyed our post together. Let me know if you would like to see my husband guest post with me again!